I’m Tracy Ellen from Channel 17 News, and
this is a Breaking News Bulletin. The world as we know it appears to be in chaos as numerous
reports of zombies pour in from across the globe. Experts say that the virus is not airborne,
so the only way to get infected is to be bitten. You know, this is about the time that everyone
panics. But, you know, there’s actually a few easy tips you can follow that will help
survive the zombie apocalypse. …Appears to be infected. And remember, aim for the
head. The first thing you need to know may sound like a tired old cliche, but it’s very
important: It’s exercise. You see, zombies are walkers not runners, but they’re dead,
so they don’t run out of breath. You just wanna make sure you’re in tip top shape so
you don’t end up somebody’s supper. Now another thing to remember: Whether you’re working
or playing, you never want to let you’re guard down. We’ve all heard it before: “They just
come out of nowhere,” people say. Well, this is what I like to do. Mirrors, I have everywhere.
That way, these nasty walkers can’t sneak up on me. That brings me to my next point:
Weapons. You definitely need some firepower, but the sound of guns frightens my songbirds
and shakes up the hummingbirds. Of course, some zombie experts recommend a baseball bat.
But for me, there’s nothing like a beloved garden spade. You see, it has a nice cutting
edge and a broader sweet spot and longer length for greater protection. Of course, you’re
gonna wanna clean this up as soon as you can because you don’t wanna leave a mark on your
lawn. Now this next tip is self-explanatory, or at least I hope so. You see, you have to
have food and water, certainly, but you also have to protect it. That’s why I use electric
fences. You know, electricity can be very effective, and you can pick up these electrical
fence chargers at your local farm store. Hey, not only are you protecting your food and
your water, but this can be a source of entertainment, hours of amusement. Ooh, good one. Hey, you
might not think this last tip is important, but trust me on this one, it really is. You
see, when the zombie body count begins to stack up so does the aroma and the stench.
So, that’s why I always plant plenty of fragrant flowers. You see, zombies are basically just
rotting flesh, so they produce a lot odor. To mask that odor and bring a nice fragrance
to the house, try planting some of these beautiful flowers. They also look great around the house.
Mmm, that’s nice. You know, the best laid plans of mice and men often don’t work out.
So as the old saying goes: If you can’t beat them, join them. And make sure you subscribe
to eHow Home.